On the Run

Bonnie and Clyde infront a Ford V-8 Català: Bo...

Bonnie and Clyde (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

An Exercise:

(Scene)

Jake sat on the couch, listening to Annette finish with the other man upstairs. He looked at the tattered frayed arms of the couch, then he played with the off centered little button barely hanging on. That was him, wasn’t it, he thought, barely hanging on. The same hand that played with the button was the same hand that wore the ring, the promise, the lie.

Annette came to a finish and not long after Jake heard a door open upstairs. The quiet, satisfied footsteps of his wife came pattering on the creaking boards toward the steps. She stopped a while, and then continued. Soon he could see her figure descending the stairs. She looked at him, and though she looked amused, she never smiled. Her eyes were a wrestling match of beauty and contempt as they bore in on him.

“I’m gonna kill that sumbitch,” Jake said.

“You couldn’t kill a half dead cockroach Jake,” Annette said, walking toward him, “let alone a stone built outhouse like that man upstairs.”

Jake pulled the snub nose from his pocket and toyed with it. Annette looked at it, and again gave the half cocked amused look Jake had fallen for.

“I’m gonna kill him, and then,” he couldn’t bring himself to say it.

“And then?” Annette asked, sitting in the old warn out chair across from the couch. She lit a smoke and held it like someone of fashion and class. Jake thought she had neither.

“And then I’m gonna burn this no good shack down and we can get going with our lives.”

“I’m not going anywhere with you,” she said.

“What?” Jake asked. His jaw threatened to swing loose at its hinge, as a roaring nausea threatened to swell in his stomach.

“You couldn’t pull the trigger back there Jakey, what makes you think you could now?” she said, she took a long draw on her cigarette and then, “we might’ve been caught if it weren’t for Sam stepping in.”

“Sam,” Jake said, and then he grimaced, “What’s Sam ever really done for you? For us?”

“He got me off three times for starts,” Annette said. Jake’s eye twitched, she saw, and then she finally did grin. “The third one was weak, don’t feel so bad, but the first two were out of this world.”

“Is that all that counts? Him making you happy? We’re married for Christ’s sake!”

“We’re crooks Jakey, outlaws like Bonnie and fucking Clyde. We don’t play by rules anymore,” she said, finishing her smoke going for another.

“We were just bank robbers till Sam came into the picture,” Jake said, finally laying down the gun beside him. “We can still have a life.”

“WE don’t have anything Jake, you’re just a farmer’s son with an imagination,” she said, “but Sam is real. He’s got what it takes to give me what I need. You, you’re just the one I had to marry to get out of momma and daddy’s house. Don’t you get that?”

“I’m gonna kill that sumbitch,” Jake said, his eye twitching again.

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4 responses to “On the Run

  • Lydia

    New here – is this part of an on-going story? I really really like it so far!

  • AmyBeth Inverness

    I love how this takes the prompt and focuses on whether or not he’s actually going to kill the guy; however at the end it seems like Jake is still standing there, still wanting to but not able to.

    A little concrit:
    tattered frayed is redundant, but not necessarily bad…
    “I’m gonna kill him, and then…” if he can’t finish, and it trails off, use an ellipsis.

    My favorite part:
    …though she looked amused, she never smiled.

    Visiting from Write On Edge

  • Wisper

    I like the momentum and suspense you build in this piece. I liked how you created quite a bit of dimension in the characters in such a short amount of time. I, too, would love to know whether or not Jake actually goes through with it.

  • Tina

    This was a great take on the prompt. I loved your dialogue! I wish that you would have had more detail about Annette while she and Jake were talking. The contempt was conveyed in her words, but the scene would have been much fuller with more of her body language to emphasize it.

    I can’t wait to read more of this story, so I hope you plan to write more!

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